I will say.. . he was most clever....
I meant to say... I really loved him.
Loved the sapphire blue pool depth of desire dancing in the reflection of his eyes... the sanctuary of his embrace.. his shudder and low deep murmurs in clasped release ... .His face.. his smile! His arms... his legs. ..the scent of  his body pressed against me.  .. and  the gentle way he would bring my hair cascading down....

The reverie of twain moments... now severed...are captive in the ache of memory...the distance of  his wistful glance in my direction... and I break down in fits of tears as I finally understand... 

He thought me attractive... and more...
but... I love too easily...
and he could not...and now he finds my charms less appealing..suspect.....flawed..
And gone is the retreat our connection made -- once  sublime in cathedrals rising.  

Gone is banter and solidarity --

Gone is together --

Gone is our whirl and tease of future plans... with so much more yet  to discover......
I want to have.. hoped to have... more ..  Time .

Time.
It is my albatross...  and I have become his.
Too much... too much...angst...and
... and the lightness of chance...has  become weighted circumstance.

He would have embraced the entirety of  me...

IF....only.

If only.. I could be... if only... I could be.... if only...

I had been more stable.

Damned and freed.

 Hell is the futile reach of a cell phone ringing... in terminal disconnect

And resignation ... a chorus taunting... as he steps  away.