I Will have my cornflakes
and eat them with a fork
so I can save the milk for last
and sometimes there are berries
and sometimes there is jam
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This is a nice, tight piece. The ending is great. Just a couple comments: (1) Don't capitalize "Will." It's distracting; at worst, looks like a typo, at best, seems a little pretentious and (2) you might consider having the title act as a line of the poem, delete the current first line and start with something like "eat my cornflakes with a fork," so the poem doesn't start with "have," which is sort of ick. Might be cool.
,
May 02, 2012
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similar comment
I agree that "will" shouldn't be capitalized, though I'm ok with the first line otherwise. I agree that the end is good, and a nice short piece can be very effective, especially with that middle line standing alone.
,
June 14, 2012
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another similar comment
I liked the idea of emphasizing the word "will." I can see the point that the others bring up about not capitalizing it. Maybe you could try italicizing it to keep the emphasis.
I also liked how you were able to make a statement about non-conformity using such a short and specific image.
I also liked how you were able to make a statement about non-conformity using such a short and specific image.
,
June 26, 2012
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